The revolutionary dry hydration breakthrough that scientists are calling "technically impossible" — but we're selling it anyway!
ORDER NOW — JUST ADD WATER* Contains 0ml of water per serving. Results may vary. By "results" we mean nothing will happen. Not FDA approved. Not approved by anyone, really.
In 1964, Bernard Food Industries had a vision. A vision of a world where water didn't have to be wet. Where hikers wouldn't have to carry heavy liquid. Where the ocean could be stored in a briefcase. That vision became a can. That can became a joke. That joke became a booming internet parody business.
Traditional water is loaded with wetness. Our proprietary dehydration process removes every last molecule of H, O, and the other H — leaving you with pure, portable nothing.
A single pouch weighs absolutely nothing and makes up to infinite gallons of water. Simply carry our product to your remote location, add water, and enjoy water.
Our dehydrated water has won zero industry awards. However, it has made thousands of people laugh since the 1960s, which is arguably more valuable than a trophy.
Water, as you know, is H₂O. Our patented MoistureExtract™ process removes all H₂O molecules from the water, leaving behind a revolutionary compound our scientists have classified as "nothing." When you're ready to hydrate, simply add one (1) gallon of water to reconstitute your dehydrated water back into one (1) gallon of water.
This breakthrough has absolutely no practical use whatsoever, making it perfect for gag gifts, confused looks at airport security, and philosophical debates about the nature of existence.
We begin with only the purest mountain spring water, carefully selected for its exceptional wetness and reliable tendency to be liquid. Our water sourcing team travels the globe to find water that is, above all, water.
Our proprietary chamber subjects the water to our MoistureExtract™ process. In layman's terms: we take the water out of the water. What's left? That's between us and thermodynamics.
Every batch is tested by our team of imaginary scientists for purity, dryness, and the correct amount of nothing. Our quality standard: if you can't see it, smell it, touch it, or prove it exists — it passes.
Carefully packed in our signature void-sealed containers. Each package contains exactly what the label says: dehydrated water. Shipping is free because it weighs nothing (not actually free).
"I was skeptical at first. Dehydrated water? That sounds impossible. But after I added water to my dehydrated water, I had water! Just like the box promised!"
— Gerald M., Omaha, NE ★★★★★"Took this camping. Added it to a mountain stream. Now I have a mountain stream. 10/10 would dehydrate again."
— Tammy K., Portland, OR ★★★★★"The TSA confiscated my regular water. They let my dehydrated water through. It's the future of travel hydration."
— Anonymous Frequent Flyer ★★★★★"I bought some dehydrated water, but I didn't know what to mix it with." — Stephen Wright said it first. We said it better. On a can.
— Deeply Satisfied Customer ★★★★★The perfect gift for hikers, preppers, survivalists, people who appreciate absurdist humor, confused relatives, and anyone who has everything except a can of absolutely nothing labeled "WATER."
Bernard Food Industries original. Since 1964. Slightly oxidized. Full of nothing. Makes ∞ gallons.